I realize I'm a day late in posting. I blog on my laptop where my photos are stored but I spend most of my computer time on my mac. Some days I don't feel like turning on the laptop because something about it always leaves me with a neck and head ache. And nothing can make it go away except for some terribly strong blue pills. I'm one who avoids nearly all medicine but when my head hurts I need the pain to go away. Quickly.
Part of the reason I didn't post yesterday is that time got away from me. Or maybe I got away with time. I finished my bedroom and started on the last and most difficult room in the main house: my office. It's cluttered, large, messy and full of thrifted items waiting to be researched, sold, currently for sale or to be disposed of in any way possible. I feel frustrated sitting her in this chaos and am trying to figure out where I went wrong. I think it all comes down to time. I'd say as a scanner, time is one of the most deceitful things there is to this type of personality. Not only do we want to do everything and anything, but we somehow get it into our minds that we can. In a way, we are the ones that deceive ourselves.
I was just going through a box of books that I never got around to listing. I found a book on making your own natural cosmetics and beauty products. My first thought was to save the book so that when I get to California, I can start using it. I also kept a book out called "Putting foods by" which is about canning and preserving. Yet, If my time is full here, how in the world will I access more time once I move?
Dave thinks that our life will change a lot in our next home because I am giving so much of our stuff away. We literally send van loads to Goodwill every week, other items go to friends and some goes on Freecycle. I sell what I can but at the moment with the timing of everything my time to sell things is slim. I also love the idea of paying it forward. I gave my friend Rhonda all my castoffs from my craft room yesterday. She took away fabric, bark cloth (some for you Jill), yarn, cotton batting, and vintage quilt toppers. I'm at the point where I would rather make a friend happy than try to get a few dollars for something. I will still have lots to sell at my yard sale but I can only store so much of that too.
With less in our lives, Dave is hoping that there will be less to clean and less to move around from room to room. I think that is part of my motivation to give so much away. I want our life back. I want to be able to look at a weekend with endless possibilities rather than thinking that we have to clean the house or sort out the basement (again).
I've also been asking myself what I want to do with my life. Do I want to live with a scattered rush feeling as I do now? I usually work all day which starts with spending around 2 hours writing here, another three hours listing books or selling other items and then an hour or so shipping orders. Next I'm off to pick up the kids from school and I spend time with them until Dave is off of work at 4pm. He takes over parenting and I go back to sorting through junk. We'll throw together a dinner, do the dishes, do laundry, bring in firewood, play a couple games of chess with the children and finally get them to bed. We spend an hour or two watching our favorite shows (dollhouse tonight)and eating snacks before falling into bed exhausted.
What we are lacking, are those moments of relaxation here and there. Do they exist? Do you ever find yourselves sitting down on the couch with a newspaper or magazine? When we stayed in our home exchange home last summer in Santa Rosa, CA for 9 days it felt like we were living in a dream. We spent time out on the patio watching the sunset and reading their newspaper. Okay so we did feel like something out of a 50's tv show but all the tension of our home in Washington dissipated. We were at peace, even if it only lasted 9 days. I remember thinking that I wanted that home and lifestyle. I think it was also the motivation to get me to clear out the house.
Now on the brink of moving, I want to have that feeling again. I don't want to feel cheated by time. Yesterday I looked at my large Mary Engelbreit Home Companion magazine collection. I must have 60 or so? I bought them on eBay, yard sales and on Craigslist. I wanted every one. Yet, I haven't ever looked at a single back issue. So I'm sitting there in my craft room asking myself why I expect to have more time to look at them once I move. Or if I ever do want to look at them again. Sure they are very inspirational but at what expense to pack them up in a box and leave them in storage for a year or so while we find a house to buy. I have to make the decision about whether to sell the set or not. And each time I have a choice like that to make, I am again reminded at how deceitful time is in my mind.
What do I want to spend my time on? I guess it would be part time ReSelling, gardening, cooking, self-sufficiency, family time, decorating our house and enjoying each moment that I do these things. I think moving and packing up my life is helping me realize that my belongings consume and take over. I let them do this and it has left me raw. In a way I could literally grab my photos, a few books, my computer and close the door behind me and not look back. This is my chance to start over in a new house and choose very carefully what I want in this new home.
I used to walk around antique stores wondering how the dealers could ever part with all of their beautiful items they have for sale. I've now reached an understanding with that concept. They love the joy of buying and finding something for cheap but they don't necessarily have to own it to take pleasure in the item. They can turn it around quickly and sell it. I am hoping to have a booth at a local flea market in California. Maybe once a month if that is allowed so that I can still take in the satisfaction of thrifing without the need to fill my home beyond capacity and start hoarding again.
I don't feel that my hoarding is totally unjustified. It again comes down to time. I must have had 5 pieces of small furniture that I picked up in free piles at yardsales. They all needed either a paint job or some small repair. When I picked them up I didn't do it so that I can shove them in my basement and forget about them. I had all intentions of fixing them and using them in the future. Of course the future is endless and huge. Yet at the end of the day the only time we ever truly have is in this very single moment. I honestly want a better..... no, realistic relationship with time. I want to go to a yard sale and look at an item and decide if I actually want to spend the four hours needed to do this project. If not, I hope that I can put the item back down and move on without regret.
After I've dealing with time, the house and thrift consumption, I'll start to work on my inbox which has thousands and thousands of email that I saved with every intention of replying. Sound familiar?
The winner for last weeks 300th post giveaway is Rachel of Just Wondering. Thanks again for all the very warm and kind comments. It was just what I needed to carry me through the week with all this work on the house.