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April 28, 2010

Comments

Sarah@BlueCastle

I can relate so well. My kids are almost exactly the same ages as yours are. My oldest is 9, soon to be 10 and every day he looks more and more like a "man" than a little boy. Makes me sad to remember the baby he used to be. In a flash he'll be grown and out of my house. I'm working hard to treasure the time I have left.

Joy

I relate to your post today this way - When I look at old photos of myself. The me I see is so vunerable, pretty, trying so hard, feeling quite less than! I yearn to be back in that time & place, again, and tell that girl/woman how awesome she is. No matter what emotional state, what weight, what hairstyle, or what job/place in school! My aha moment is; I have to to be here, now, appreciating myself in that exact way! Here is the only place I can do that! I love your strength to process what's up now, in order to be clear for everything else!

artdeme

I felt the same way when my boys were little. But somehow that I don't understand, it changed as they got older. Now my eldest is expecting his third baby, and somehow, all the stuff people say about grandchildren being even better...? It's true in a way! All that same love and affection and protective caring is there with grandchildren...but the worry? The sometimes overwhelming feeling of responsibility to not screw up...it's not there with the grandchildren. It's pure bliss! Just enjoy each age of your children and trust in the universe to bring you exactly what your heart longs for in the years to come. And care for the man who is your husband. Because if the way he parents makes you love him more and trust him more, you can trust that you will grow in that relationship too.
That's it for unsolicited advice today. Experience speaks!

helsbells

Such a lovely post though, thankyou so much for sharing.

Victoria

This empty nester is finding her way to that next step right now. I have a twenty year old with multiple disabilities and three thirty something older children. It has been a year since my youngest moved to his own home and I am enjoying my newfound freedom to enjoy my grandchildren, reconnect with my husband and build my own business. The best part? I can actually take a nap whenever I am tired and my day is no longer centered on being home in time for the schoolbus!

Ecclisiastes and The Byrds sum up this time in my life: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." I had my time to sow - raising my children- and now I have my time to reap - my grandchildren and living creatively. Turn, turn, turn...

Victoria

Sorry- it does not seem to be my time to spell correctly: Eccleisiates!

amy Zimmer

Well of course we mind! We want to hear every word of whatever you are thinking. So we do mind...mindfully. Whatever you have to say, we are listening. No other post could have been written today.

We have children to heal the part of us that need healing. I finally got my Barbie Dolls. I finally got to have any crafty materials I wanted, I got to see the world as I saw it but don't remember it all. I get to put surprises in my daughter's lunches, and know they are appreciative. Sarah wrote the lyrics and melody to a very beautiful, soulful song. That is what happens when your kids turn 15...and Allegra slept with me--the whole night. When I woke up at 6:45 am to hunt for a snuggle from Jeff--he was already up...This too, won't last forever. (though I did take a bath with my mom when she was 72 and I was 36. She had one of those big tubs and she had Allegra in there with her--I was soaked, so I got in too. That is so special) I love that my kids can have sleep overs and I can snug in bed with Jeff (under the mosquito netting and the a/c full blast (sorry mother earth, otherwise I get no snuggle time!) watching really dumb shows like, "Wired.") My girls deciding to put their camp money towards a family trip to Europe instead...that is what happens as the get older. But oh, if only the owies could be fixed with band-aids!!! Ouch, ouch, ouch. At the least, your children growing independent brings you and Dh closer. xoxoxoxo A

Laura

I had seven babies that lived, and two stepsons, and I loved every minute of the baby and toddler years! I still remember with great joy those days. My oldest stepson is now 32 and has given us three darling granddaughters to love. My youngest is now 8 - still sweet, still asking Mama or Daddy to play with him, and still wanting to spend time with us more than with anyone else. But I remember when he used to want to hold my hand - even in public. And when he wanted to sit in my lap when I read aloud to all the children.

Children do grow up. My grown and growing children are still a delight and the source of much joy, but also more worry than we ever had when they were little. As they grow up, they face grown-up problems, but thankfully they still love their family, and they still look to their parents for advice, although they might not follow it.

Happy memories are sweet and can be a good stress-buster!

Elizabeth

I, too, have been pondering these same thoughts recently! Thank you for sharing yours.

Elizabeth

Amy

I have a two year old and a four month old and I look at Ruby and I wonder where my tiny little baby went - she's a capable little thing who I'm teaching to put breakfast dishes away in the mornings and is so proud of herself... I miss miss her baby days and she is only just two! and I wouldn't want her to stagnate whatsoever - my need is for her to grow and flourish but I am so nostalgic....I think it's what the buddhists call 'grasping' - isn't there some kind of analogy of holding onto something in an open upturned palm without grasping but not dropping either...? I'm not explaining it very well whatever!!

Sue

I can relate to sadness sometimes at looking at old pictures. I have a living room 2 stories high (townhouse condo) and one wall is filled with pictures of relatives who (mostly) are dead. Sometimes that makes me feel sad, for some reason especially about the ones that were gone before I was born. My oldest picture dates back to 1862! (Working on my Ancestry.com account will sometimes do that to me, too.) I have to just stop looking sometimes and move on to other things.

When my youngest left home (my boys are now 31 and nearly 28), it was like WHAM! and the gates dropping down. I'd been a mother for 22 years by then, and suddenly, I couldn't give advice, couldn't tell them what to do, couldn't make them call me! You go full bore mothering all those years and suddenly, unexpectly (even though you're expecting it), you're done. But remember, it's the sign that you did your job right when they leave home to be fully independent people.

Now I am looking forward to my first grandchild in November, and will watch again how fast the time goes, how quickly they grow.

Sue

PS: I just remembered, and now my oldest seems to worry about me! Tables are starting to turn. I remember that with my own mother, when she was old and in failing health. I'm not THAT old yet, but I pick up those vibes sometimes.

Jennifer Seals

Your life changes so much when they leave. My kids both left within a couple of years of each other. So it was sudden. My life had been centered around cooking meals, doing laundry, school and sports activities, the children's friends and social lives, cleaning house and entertaining 4 people. Suddenly, everything changed. Now I was only responsible for my own clothing (and sometimes my husband, as he often does his own laundry). Since my husband is out of town often, now I'm only responsible for my own meal! It was really weird and I did not know what to do with myself. I felt really lonely and strange at first. But I discovered lots of lovely things, and now I even have a grandchild. I am more focused on me than I have ever been. My husband and I dream of travel and have wonderful meals that we can finally afford. We do whatever we want! I have time to paint and draw and read and nap and hang out with friends..lots of things I rarely did before. Its different, but fun! I understand the nostalgic feeling, as I feel that way too when I look at my kids when they were little and even me when I was little. But every stage of life is beautiful Enjoy every part of it!

kris

I'm feeling a bit sad these days as well. My first baby is about to graduate in a few weeks. It will just be different to only have one child to take care of, teach (we homeschool). Although I'm sure I won't keep worrying and trying to take care of things for the teen. She just will want to do things on her own I'm sure...

I think the key to when the kids are gone is to be the best of friends (you and hubby) before they go so that when they go it will be fun for you and you won't feel lost (I'm talking to myself as well here.) I know that is what I'm focusing on. Spending more time with the hubby, finding common interests again. We only have 6 more years and then they're all off in college or elsewhere.

Life moves fast when you're in it.

kris

P.S. I meant I won't QUIT worrying and trying to take care of things for the teen.

That's inevitable, right? Hard to let go.

Van

This post is very sweet, I think it's important to write your personal stories sometimes. It's what makes each blog unique; individual feelings and experiences.

Don't stress yourself with thoughts of kids leaving the roost yet, instead enjoy the time you have with them now as you do every day. I'll offer some consolation and say that you'll be fine once the kids are out on their own or off to college, you're a creative individual handling a business and working on crafts. Plus, there's always the internets to keep you entertained...

Leah

I can relate to your feelings. It's now a bit over three years since our daughter was stillborn, and today I've been through all the baby clothes to give them away. There won't be any more planned children for us, and my heart cracks every day about this. My son is 7 now, and I was vividly reminded of how he was just sorting his newborn clothes. Sweet, sweet times. And yes, my identity is still very much bound up with being the mother of small children. I don't know if this is how other people think, but it's how I see myself.

knutty knitter

My eldest has just become taller than me. He is now looking so much older that I really have lost him to the teenage years but, that is good too, just in an entirely different way.

It is fun to watch them grow up :)

I do love their baby photos but I don't wish to be back there because then I wouldn't have their 'now'.

viv in nz

mo

Wow does this resonate! Maya turned 8 on friday last week and Logan is 10. It is all going too fast and I do find myself nostalgic and weepy often. I have the same fears about when the kids get out of high school. They are such a huge part of my life and who I am . I want them to go on and have their own lives but I know it will be an adjustment. I also like to think that I will be more ready than. I didn't think I would ever be ready for him to go to school when my oldest went to kindergarten but he went and we were both fine. I like to think college and life beyond will be the same.

Katie

Loved this post Selena. xo I feel the same way, which is why I have so many kids. Love to you.

Thrifted Treasure

I'm going through the same emotions at the moment which is silly as my boys are only 5, 3 and a half and 2 and a half! But still when my eldest turned 5 last week I found myself watching home video of him as a baby and my heart literally ached just to hold that chubby little tiny baby in my arms again. I think I'll always be clucky, and there is such joy as they get older, I suppose we'll start to focus more on them as teenagers, then adults and hopefully one day they'll have their own children for us to dote on. anyway, what am I doing going so far into the future, must live in the present :-)

Heidi

I was feeling this way in January, when we moved some boxes, and there were all the family pictures.
they grow up to darn fast and when my baby had her seizure this past July. I realized.
This is it SLOW down and just enjoy....Its sad it takes something scary, to slow down.

lisa aka thebeadgirl

but it was a beautiful post. thank you for sharing!

ps i went back to look at old pics too! {{{thank you}}}

Cathe Holden

Shamefully, we have boxes of video tapes never seen and photos stored that have never been placed in an album. I think possibly it's for the same reasons you wrote about. It's so hard to let go of those sweet young years. This is the sweetest post, Selena. Thank you.

Jessica Star

I hated being a new mom and I still look at those early photos with nostalgia. :) Totally ridiculous! Worse yet, I'm already nostalgic for the times that are happening right now. That doesn't even make sense. I want him to grow up, but I don't want him to change at all. Weird weird feelings. :)

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