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May 17, 2011

Comments

angelika

Wow, Selena, big changes. I so resonate with what you've said about gaining much and losing much. Maybe it's helpful to think in terms of seasons. You've had a long season in which both you and Dave have been able to be at home and raise your children through some crucial years. Your children are old enough that they will remember this and value it. Now you're entering a season of life where things will look different. Your children will see less of their dad, but more of you and in a different way. What's obvious to me and hopefully to your children is that you love each other deeply and your family takes priority in your life - they will also see that the changes enable you to give your family the stability it needs after a stressful winter.
What's helpful when thinking of life in terms of seasons is that seasons also change: Dave will be more absent on a daily basis now, but that may not be forever. Maybe down the road, the job he is in now will change and enable him to work differently. Maybe an office will open up down the road from your dream home! who knows? The important thing is to enjoy the season you're in now, take the good things that come from it, value that and let the rest go... saving the rest for another season.

kristen

congrats on your husband's new job! it does sounds like a great one. so sorry, though, to hear about the adjustments you (and family) are going through to make the new job work.

you are such a hard worker, with such great ideas, i know you'll have found your new/old groove in no time. can't wait to hear about it!

blessings to you today, selena!

Amy Zimmer

Kristen is so right. You are so willing to adapt that your groove won't take long at all.

My suggestion for balance: take care of yourself, if you don't, you won't have the energy and love you need to support your family during this transition time. Get that freezer ASAP and start freezing up meals over the weekend, dust off your slow cooker, treat you and your family to ready made (take out) meals 2x per month (or whatever is in your budget), get a your hands-free set working so you can visit with me, and your friends, while you cook so it isn't lonely, make sure you and Dave have a date at least once per month--it will be more important now than ever! xoxo Amy

Lana

You WILL get used to having more time to yourself during the day, but that may be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps that is the time for you to work on "tweeking" your reselling strategy, while the kids are in school. A lady I know cooks dinner and cleans house as soon as the kids leave for school, she is done by 11AM and has the rest of the day (4 hours actually) to do whatever she wants. And Sundays are strictly family days. Think how you will no longer have the anxiety of where the next paycheck is coming from. There is nothing as sure as change, but this change to me sounds really good! Lana www.lifeatwildberrycottage.com

laura

Selena, I always find so much inspiration here. I know it seems tough right now and I understand those roller coaster emotions. Change is good though, right? I think you'll be fine, perhaps flip flop dinner and bed time snack so kids have a snack at dinner time and eat with dad when he gets home as a family? Just a thought. Love you! and we still need to spend that FIVE hundred dollar shopping spree at the cooks :) wheeeeeee

Dhammathrift

I don't know really what to say except. You can do it, your stronger than even you can imagine. Good luck, but not really luck because well see above. And with time this will become the new flow to your life. There will be positives you didn't expect and yes negatives too.

Mary

Congratulations on Dave's new job!!!! While I completely understand your mixed feelings, you are so resilient, adaptable, smart & creative, that I know you will make this new challenge work!

Lynn at Cottage and Creek

What an inspiring post, Selena. Your honesty and candor are refreshing and I can relate to you in so many ways. Change is so hard, especially unwanted change but we are better for it in the long run, especially when we adapt and keep our priorities in order. It sounds like you and your husband are making great choices for your family. You have much to be proud of. And how wonderful that he got a good job when so many are out of work. Company benefits are so important but I do feel your pain for the loss of precious family time. Thanks for sharing your heart. Best wishes in this new season.
~Lynn

Sue

One door closes, another opens. I can really appreciate what you're saying, though. I still years later long for those years when my children were young and I was home with them full time. My husband wanted a divorce when they were 4 and 7 and I had to get a job. It was pretty awful at the time, but we survived and thrived. You will, too. You'll find blessings in the midst of changes, too.

Van

Good luck regrouping and adjusting to so many changes! I'm like you, I can sometimes hop from one project to the next and end up taking on too much. This year I stopped that cold turkey. My garden is tiny, just some herbs, I stopped attending community garden meetings, I only focus on one website-- I won't take on more until I can clean after myself and make myself dinner. I haven't been able to do both consistently yet!

Try not to take on too much, take it slow and easy until you're in the right groove. That's my advice :) Simplify!

Megan

Allow yourself to grieve. This is a big deal, for all of you, and you're allowed to be sad about it.

Pam

I'm not sure if I ever feel totally balanced.I did learn however after my son was born.There were some things I had to let go of to keep my sanity, and the world didn't end when I did. Coming from a place where my mother took the house being spotless and tidy to OCD level over having family time, it was actually a relief.Look at the time your husband was able to be home with your son as a blessing. My husband lost his job a year and a half ago. He has had to take on the role of Mr.Mom and it has really made him see what it is like to care for a toddler full time and accomplish other things at the same time! I'm glad he could be here to have that bond with his son some kids now don't get b/c dad is always at work. My son is in a special school program and he has to be shuttled to that as well 5 days a week. If we were both working it would have been a nightmare.Being out of work myself before he was born and then my husband later. I had to grow up a bit more, which I think a lot of us have in this economy. Stop spending without thought and take charge. If there is any balance I guess it exists in our finances. We realise how much we burned through and now know we could practically store away a whole paycheck when he starts work again. We budget, coupon, and thrift. I'm proud I've made my husband such a thrifty spender now too. I'm so happy for your family. Just think of this change as a new and exciting chapter and challenge in your lives. You guys are strong and are going to handle it brilliantly...maybe that can be a bit of your writing now too?

Delyth Owen

Selena, you always seem to write about the things that I need to hear. My husband was in a motorcycle accident on Saturday. He's going to be okay, but here I sit in his ICU room while he gets some much needed rest.
Financially, this will be "interesting" in that he just started a new job 2 weeks ago, so won't be paid for his time away.
So, your post about balance is exactly what I needed to hear. I need to find my balance while becoming more involved in our finances, etc.
I know you will find your balance, Selena, and go on to inspire others as you do me.
Hugs,
Del
;o)

Claire

I'm pretty confident that you will find a way. You have such a wonderful attitude. You wait and see. Thanks for sharing - I don't band the word 'inspiring' around a lot, but this post most definitely was.

Donnelly

I just want you to know how much I appreciate your honest and open approach to life, and that you are willing to share so much with us. You have been and will continue to be an inspiration in my life.

Elaine

Stress is very difficult to deal with and your loses are becoming typical to many of us. I am working with my bank and consumer credit to try and save my home. I don't feel like an active participant some times in this process because the communication with them is low due to their work load too. I start work at five a.m. and get home several hours later with lots of day left. I could go back to sleep, but I don't. I spend the next several hours reselling. It's not up to par yet, but growing every day due to hard work and discipline. My adult children and friends tell me to let the house go. At this time in my life I should be living not dying for a house. I'm trying to clean out in case the worst happens, but I'm sure as long as I have my on line store I can handle anything. It's not only fun for me it's a challenge along with hard work. I've come to find great pleasure in it and have met people all around the world. Who would have thought that me, a mature entrepeneur would find so much pleasure in hard work. I can work on line from any where. Even in an apartment. It's not the end of the world. It's a bundle of wood, piping and shingles. New beginnings happen all the time and I'm finding that change can be fun if you mae it so. Good luck Salena in your venture. I wish you the best. Keep inspiring people and teaching. Knowledge is to be shared.

Krissy @ B.Inspired

A year ago, my husband surprised me by asking for a divorce. After giving up my teaching job (to move for my husband), I had been a stay at home mom to my two little ones. Now I had to deal with the change of moving, the divorce, becoming a single mom, and job hunting. It was during this time that my aunt told me that this was just a "season" of my life (like Angelika said above). That has resonated with me every since. We cannot change to seasons and must flow with them. And find the beauty in them. And you're a tough cookies, so you will! Good luck. :)

BTW, you could always bring on some guest posters or fellow contributors here at Apron Thrift Girl, and I would love to help if you ever need it!

Shara

What a great opportunity! I'm so excited for you & your family. Life is ever changing as you know & I'm sure you will excel at this as you do with everything else you've set your mind to. I hope Dave picks up some books on cd at the library for that killer commute (:

Monica

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~Robert C. Gallagher

This is one of my favorite quotes. I'm not usually a fan of change. About 4 years ago, the company my DH worked for was being sold. We were uncertain of his job security and looked at our choices. We couldn't continue as things were. He opted to continue on with the company under new ownership but it meant us moving away further away from friends, both of us starting over with new co-workers and bosses (We'd both been at our job locations for 9 years.) and our kids having to make new friends in new schools. At the time, we felt it was the best decision. We had a house we loved waiting for us and jobs with commutes that were only 10 minutes rather than the 35 minutes one way we had before.

Looking back, it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Out of that decision, I was able to quit my job and start turning my hobby into a business which is what I had dreamed of for a very long time.

I agree with having seasons in your life and flowing with them. My mother-in-law is constantly reminding me of this when we have our long heartfelt talks. The transition isn't always easy and I'll admit, I'm not one to bow easily to the winds of change.

You'll find your rhythm. That I'm certain. Congratulations to your DH on his new job.

Patty Ashworth

My hubby works on oil rigs and is gone for 3 to 4 weeks at a time. I have really gotten used to plenty of time to quilt and "do my own thing". I do miss him, and when he's home, we spend alot of time together. Look for the benefits of the different things. I have to have things fixed around here when he's gone, so it's made me stronger, and can handle more things. When he's home, we work on projects together.
I also have noticed that most people who change jobs end up alot happier in the long run. Life gets better. Now you will have time to post everything you have been wanting to. Your job will be to adapt and function through all this change. You can do it. I have read your blog for a while and you figure things out!

Christine

Finding balance is pretty difficult right now since my youngest is still so small, but I'm ok with it. Whenever it gets overwhelming I tell myself (and DH) this is only now, our children will grow bigger and be more independent and then there will be more time for ourselves. That said, I do take my moments, especially when the youngest is napping and the bigger kids are at school. Or in the evenings when they're all in bed. I'm used to DH not being home during the day but sometimes other people surprise me by saying how hard that must be. Yes it can be hard, but it's hard for DH too, doing his job and seeing the kids only in the evenings and the weekend. There are pros and cons to everything.
I would say, for you, make a schedule for the week and pencil in time for your thrifting, ReSelling (and the blog, hehe). That is what gives you joy and it is your job! Dave might like alone time with the kids after a long week on Saturday mornings while you're out thrifting. Just think of Tim Gunn (I love that saying of his!) "Make it Work!!" ;-)

Christine

Sandra at Debutante Clothing

Business/work/life balance is what I am trying to do right now! I have a fulltime job in addition to my business and I can feel it taking a toll on my life and relationships. I'm getting ready to just go for it and leave my job.

Can I please recommend that you create some e-courses and e-books. I would definitely buy them. Write it once and sell it forever!

Erica

Best wishes to you and your family as you all begin this new chapter of life. My tip to you is to take a little time (5 min/day, 1 hour/week, etc.) just for yourself. Not work, not the kids, not the husband. Take a hot bath with the door closed and your favorite book. Go for a walk around your neighborhood to see your neighbor's new gardne. Whatever - just some quite time for you to relax.

DogsMom

You have received some great advice and I don't know that I can add anything to it. Especially since I don't know that I have ever had balance and smooth saling since high school graduation. If you are honest, you'll see that you have had major changes in the past, quite a number, and you've managed to continue creating a strong family life. It is not the bumps in the road of life that make the journey difficult, (they add interest,) it is trying to take the path too quickly and without open eyes. You are a talented traveler. You have a supportive family. Take 2 minutes each night and focus on things you are grateful for and visualize the BEST thing to happen each day.
Congratulations to Dave on a new position. May he enjoy this opportunity.
And see this as a new opportunity for the rest of the family as well.

Maybe you will have more to talk to each about!

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